Our Growing Nephew

Our nephew Josiah is growing so fast. He is such a cutie! These are some pictures of his first time swimming and his first tooth! We are excited to see him soon.

Baby Jackson

Baby Jackson - First days. Isn't he adorable!!!

The Evolving Church - Restoring Justice Conference

There is an awesome conference coming up soon, and well I am totally passionate about the topic...I really feel that we as the church need to think about and discuss the issue of social justice much more than we presently do. There are so many injustices going on in our world and many times we just sit back and watch, yet we have a relationship with the God of justice - and to me something just doesn't add up. I think that we as the church need to stop watching, and start thinking and acting. If we are Gods hands and feet, then in reality, we should be hands and feet of justice, not an audience who is enteretained with the injustices that go on in our world every single day. We often seem to thrive off and enable these injustices, like sweat shops, child labour and slavery with our ever wanting consumeristic desires, which we often don't think twice about. I think we, as Christ-followers need to do some serious soul searching about what part we play in the dance between right and wrong, the rich and poor, and the just and unjust. Where are my hands God? There are many practical, realistic ways that we can engage to bring justice in our world.

There will be some awesome discussions about this at the Evolving Church Conference coming up on March 24 in Toronto, with Jim Wallis, Shane Claiborne and Ron Sider on Social Justice with workshop leaders from around the country such as David Fitch, Greg Paul and over ten others. These speakers have some great thoughts, and I hope you'll join in on the discussion. You can find all the details at www.epconference.net

the trust issue

I don't really have much to say right now, but I thought I should write something....I just joined facebook...still trying to figure out how that all works. I makes me kinda miss all of my friends from Tyndale and Halifax. I miss being close to all of those peeps - It's kinda funny how we make friends, and hang out for a few years, and then life changes and we kind of loose contact with one another. I miss those friendships and those communities. It's awesome that I have the chance to start again here, its cool, but hard at the same time. It take a while to get to know each other, and for me, it seems to take a really long time. I think I am just a really cautious person, and I don't trust easily, therefore it takes people probubly longer to get to me, then for me to get to know them because I don't let my guard down easily. I've been thinking about the whole guard thing, and well I'm not sure if its always so good. I think I miss out on a lot of relationships and opportunities, not because I want to, but because I am so guarded and its hard to bring myself to a trusting position with people. It takes a long time. So in order for me to really get to know someone really well, that person would have to stick around for a while, but really why would they if I don't let them in - its kind of a weird thing. On the other side, its a good thing becuase I just don't cast out my heart to just anyone. I don't rush into relationship with anyone, I wait it out, I observe, and ask myself if I can trust this person. So, it has it's positives and negatives I guess, sometimes I wish I was less guarded and more trusting. When it comes down to it, Trust really is a big issue for me. I think that comes because I have been really hurt before, and as I'm writing, I'm realizing that perhaps this is something I really to do some soul searching about - to ask God to show why I'm like this, and maybe there is something we can work on. I don't know, but that's where I'm at for today.

lessons from the lovable unloveable

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately....life has been kinda crazy! But I've been thinking about lots of things, so I can't wait to dig in and start blogging!

So I got a new job with Teen Challenge as an administrative assistant and I started last week. It's been great so far, I am really enjoying it. I acutally love going to work- how awesome is that!! It is such a blessing, the hours are perfect, and the job is totally up my alley. I am super excited about the ministry that goes on there...its so cool hearing how God is working in the lives of the men that are a part of the program. It feels so amazing to be part of something that is life changing for people - its such an honor. I get to go to these weekly chapels and one of the chapels last week was about celebrating the men who have graduated from part 1 of the program and are now going into the training part of the program. I was so totally touched by their stories, of where they have come from, and the struggles they have overcome. Their lives have done a complete 180. They are so passionate about their relationship with Jesus, and everytime I hear them tell their story or watch them worship I can't help but be deeply touched.

As I was thinking about this, it occurred to me that maybe this is what God had in mind. That perhaps God has intended us to be in relationship with those who are struggling and desperate. Infact, I believe that it is an integral part of being a follower of Christ that we love & serve those who have no hope and who are struggling. But, I guess one thing I am realizing lately is that it may not be all for their benefit, but that maybe we have something to learn.

Personally, I have found that my relationship with God is much stronger and more real to me when I am in relationship with those who have no hope and who have much less than I. Not that I am trying to make this about myself, I'm not, but when my eyes are opened and I am able to see those who have messed up, who have hit rock bottom, or are completely desperate come to know God, I realize how great God's grace really is. And when I see those who have less than I, who struggle, are broken and in need, that's when I truly realize how deep God's love is.
When I see people who, to our world seem "unlovable" show love, and know that God loves them more than anything....I come to tears with the beauty & truth of it. How can I not love a God who loves someone like that. And how can I not be amazed at his grace, when I see a man who has committed crimes, messed up time and time again, and perhaps seen as a horrible person to most, come to know the forgivness & acceptance of Jesus.

I think that I cannot truly understand & know God without being in relationship with those who are poor, who struggle and have no hope. Its when I see their raw and real need, that I realize my own, and become much more understanding of who God is and the fullness of what he offers to us when we seek a relationship with him. It also empowers me to love them, and extend grace & acceptance to them that much more! So why do we think there is something wrong with being surrounded by need? Why do we avoid it like the plague? When I am not in that context, I am not as aware of the fullness of God's character. I don't think we can go ahead and follow Christ and know of who he truly is without being in relationship with those in need. Following Christ outside of this context just doesn't make any sense to me. It's not just about giving to those in need so that we can say we did our part...It's a two way street, and we need to be aware and in relationship with those on the other side of the street, before we make any decisions, otherwise we may veer off course. Therefore, I think we have to always be in the midst of need. And if not, I think that there is something missing from our relationship with God, and we are truly not following Christ to where he would have us be. We should be searching out this need, so that we can show His love & grace, and in turn, know his love & grace.

Dancing with tall tales & white lies

So there's a few things that I have been thinking about lately....the first being truth. This week at church, Greg spoke about Honesty, well more about truth. I'll give a quick paraphrase.

If our focus is honesty then we are kinda missing the point, b/c its about having the living truth live in you. And when Jesus, the truth lives in you, then really honesty isn't so much the issue. Our focus shouldn't be pinpointed on honesty, but on having the truth live in us."

I guess I am really struggling with this a bit. We live in a world of deception, and so we as Christ followers are called live the truth, or allow the truth to live in us. And if Jesus is the truth, then the truth is a living thing, it's not a stagnant thing. We treat truth as if its a choice, a black & white, archaic thing. I often think we percieve truth as this ancient old thing that we learn and pass on to each other. Jesus was the truth, he lived back in the day, and we treat truth like a history lesson sometimes. Like how our parents teach us that it's wrong to lie or steal. Those things were probubly taught to them by their parents, whoe learned if from their parents generation. And for example, how my grandparents believed it was wrong to play cards on sunday. That was a truth for them, and so they passed it on. To them it was black & white.

I feel sometimes that we are Christians treat truth like a sunday school lesson, and we pass on these "truths" to each other. But at times, we have missed the boat completely. I think truth is not entirely something you pass on, and its not necessarily a choice that you have to make sometimes, its more a way of life, a way that you live. Are you living the truth if you are honest about somethings, a not about others? I think that sometimes we think that this is ok, to be honest sometimes, and not others. I think that truth is not always black & white as some people perceive. AIt is definately not ancient, or before our time, and it is not a religious thing we have to stuff down people's throats...in fact, truth needs no convincing. It is here and now and it is living. It is in the now, Jesus is in the present, and here is truth.

I am thinking a lot about what it means to have truth actually live in me, and abide in me. The task seems daunting in some ways, like how do I combat deception, and not allow it to abide in me. How do I show the light of truth to others, when I am struggling with truth myself. It's hard to be honest, it's hard to combat all of these lies we come up against every single day. It's hard to know what is true sometimes, especially in the world we live in, which is built upon dishonesty & deception. All I ever here are lies, when I watch tv, listen to music, go for a walk, it seems everything I do, I am bombarded with ideas of what the world sees as truth.

How do I as a Christian, truly and sincerely live out a life of truth in a world of lies & deception? How do I become a more honest person? How do I avoid the urge to twist truth? It hurts to be honest, and sometimes it totally sucks. It's hard, it makes you think, really think about whether you should tell the truth and risk getting hurt or hurting someone, or lying and things being a little easier. Cause lets face a lot of the time, lying is the easy way out. Being dishonest is something that no one has to know about. We can hide it within our selves. Although I think the truth eventually catches up with you in some shape or form, in the moment its easy to lie. So how do I combat this? How do I take the road perhaps less travelled, the more difficult & painful and more honest way? It's not as easy as don't lie. Or maybe it is just that simple...

Superficial Hospitality

So, I've been thinking a lot about the whole idea of hospitality. My first thought is, I totally love having people over, and hanging out and just being with them. I love the idea of that. Yet, practically, when I start to dig a little deeper, I realize I don't like it so much. To be honest, it scares me. I don't like the fact that other people are around, looking at & watching me, listening to what I say, observing everything I do. It's uncomfortable and weird. And I think the reason is, that deep down I think I am not a very good person. Honestly, I think I suck, I am selfish and mean and ya I think I suck. I spend a lot of energy trying hide myself, or "masking" if you will. I often keep to myself or perhaps put on a bit of a "show". It's not like I'm trying to be fake, I'm not, but I definately try to hide the ugly dragon that pops its roaring head out from time to time. Well, actually more often than that. The ugly critisizing, judmental self that just can't seem to get enough attention.

The funny thing is that I am realizing that it is this that Christ came to redeem and make new. It's the things that I try to hide that I need to expose the most, and get messy and deal with so that I can change. So I guess that it make sense that Christ calls us to hospitality....not necessarily to feed or take care of others, or impress others with our home or life, but because it keeps us all real.

So, I think the problem lies in the fact that maybe I have not been practicing true hospitality. Maybe I have been practicing superficial hospitality. True hospitality allows others to see into the depths and ugly parts of our lives, it causes us to open ourselves up and expose the clean with dirty, the good and the bad. We invite people to come over, to look at us, to talk with us, so why are we surprised when they acutally do? And why are we so scared of that? We really don't have anything to hide, since Christ knows all, and he sees what junk we've got in our trunk. And he came to make it new, to take us and shape us into his image! I think that if our guests opened themselves up to us, we would find a lot of the same. It's important, because we can't truly see all of the crap we bring with us, we need others to act like a mirror for us. Instead we invite people over for a short while, to chat and eat and perhaps impress, and meanwhile we are totally missing the point. So why are running around hiding from hospitalities true call? I believe Christ created hospitality partly for this purpose...that we would be inclined to expose ourselves and through that allow Christ to make us new.

Am I really the queen of my castle, if my castle rules me?

Wow, so lately my world is being rocked by the whole idea of consumerism and our faith. I am totally realizing that Jesus calls us to a life that is completely counter cultural. The world calls us to consume, to want, and long after things, to buy the newest fashions, get the biggest house, nicest car, and convinces us that we need the latest thing to "live". But, I have recently figured out that this is not the case. What the world tells us is a lie.

The truth is, I don't need the lastest thing to live, I don't even need the latest fashion to be cool, my life and worth do not depend on this worlds things. Jesus calls us to give, and sacrifice and go without....to be selfless, depend on him, be humble, and serve. It is totally opposite of what our society calls us to. Who would have thought...after growing up in the church, that I am just discovering this truth now?

This is rocking my world because this is what I have learned matters...I have always thought that stuff made you happy. I didn't acutually think those exact words, but everything I saw showed me that. When I am sad or mad, or depressed I would just go buy something, in hopes that that new thing would solve my issues. That the newest fashions would make me look hot, and then I would find a boyfriend and marry him and be happy forever! or something along those lines. And now, I think, if I only were more stylish, if I had a better looking house, or another car, or a baby or a better job, then I would be happy. I want, I want, I want. The funny thing about all this is, I want no matter what I get, no matter how much money I spend, or if I got everything I just mentioned above, I would still want more. The problem is the wanting never seems to go away. It's always there, always haunting me, always prodding me. And its never enough

What do I do?

I was thinking on the way home today about what would happen if I just didn't give into the urges to buy stuff anymore. Would I stop having the desire, or just get better at ignoring it. Would I be more content? Probubly not for the first little while, cause I think its kinda like detox a little. It hurts to stop. I know I'm not going to like it, in fact I will probuly hate it and regret it for a while. Since I won't be experiencing that type of short-lived pleasure or fulfillment of getting stuff. I won't get the highs. And the worst part about it is I know or at least I think I won't measure up to this overwelming standard the world has for me. I will let the world down, I will be a loser maybe, I will not have the adoration of those around me...

But the hope is in the long run, past the detox phase, there comes the learning of a new way. It totally is a new way of life. Learning to not depend on things, on my stuff to make me happy. Learning that stuff will not bring me fulfillment, it will not define me as a beautiful, trendy person with great taste... it can't do that. I can't seek my worth that way.
I need to look to God for that. He gives me everything I need (not want) and it is through him that I am defined and have worth. I think that this way will be better....I will stop longing for things that will never fulfill. I can long after God and his kingdom and His ways. I don't know what this will be like, since I am far away from this....but I hope to some day know what it will kinda be like.

I really want to free myself to be available to others. To have resources and money to meet other people's needs. I reallly want to love people so much that it hurts, to love them so much that I will give up my stuff for them. (I just have to stop loving my stuff so much) I just keep thinking about going through my closest and things and giving away the stuff I don't need. I have so much crap that I don't use or wear. Yet I hoard it all. Now I am not suggesting that we can't have anything, but I am suggesting that at least for me, that I have too much. We have so much that we can give away.

There's this video that I watched last night called another world is possible, and one of the quotes from it says "If you own two coat's, you have someone else's" I thought, hmmm that's harsh...it's hard to hear. I don't like it. But I think there's some kind of truth to it. I thought, its kinda true, I have more than one coat, more than one winter coat, and I'm sure that this year I probubly would have bought another one. But why? Why do I need another one? Because I am ruled by the world of fashion and want? This is tough stuff. So I am going to continue struggling with this....this just might be one of the biggest struggles of my life.